I found this postcard the other day, shoved between the pages of one of my many notebooks. Just waiting to be found at the right time.
I must have bought it in an effort to remind myself not to panic when things get hard, but to pray instead. To remain calm and ask God for help. To fix my eyes on him, rather than the shaky ground around me.
Something bad happened at work last week. The dreaded word, restructuring, was uttered. And my job – and a lot of others – is now on the line. I can volunteer for redundancy or I can reapply for my job.
This news was a weighty, lead balloon after the high of the summer holidays. And it left me reeling; I wasn’t really sure how to gather my thoughts and I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to. Because now is not the time for uncertainty. Now is the time for saving for a wedding dress, wedding breakfasts and publishing our banns of marriage. Now is the time for pulling together a Honeymoon fund. I have a future to save for and I’m about to get married. I need my salary with a renewed urgency.
It couldn’t have come at a worse time. This little nugget of truth could send me into an orbit of panic. A downward spiralling, into the clutches of fear.
Because I feel utterly helpless. I fell overwhelmingly uncertain. And completely clueless about my next move. This moment has PANIC written all over it and all the way through it. It’s like a seaside stick of rock only no where near as sweet. It’s layered with anxiety and riddled with worry. It’s a recipe for despair.
Or it’s an opportunity to let go and let God. It’s an opportunity to trust, to remain calm and to bow my head in prayer. Because he will provide. He always does. I do not need to panic.