I want a lot of things. And I want them all now. Waiting is not my forte. I think I may have mentioned before that patience is not something I excel in. (Oh, if I could have a pound for the number of times I’ve written a post just like this one).
And recently, I’ve been feeling almost overwhelmingly aware of how much I want. I’m not talking material items, I’m not interested in things to pop in my wardrobe or line my shelves. (Ok, well maybe a little bit).
The things that I want are ‘life’ things. Milestones.
I want to be successful. I want to be married. I want to move out from under my parents roof. I want to be in a job with a salary that will enable me to one day step onto the housing ladder. And I want all of this, now. Not tomorrow, not a year down the line, not when I’m thirty. But now. This minute. I don’t want to wait a second more.
I want so much but at the same time, I want for nothing. I have a lot. I have food in the fridge, in all the cupboards and on the table. I have somewhere to live. A family who love me. The best boyfriend a girl could ask for. Fabulous friends and colleagues. Petrol in my car. A car. Enough money for a weekly Starbucks. So, does wanting so much more, make me greedy? Or just hungry? Hungry for independence? Hungry for my own space? Hungry for married life? Hungry for change?
There’s a difference right?
It’s increasingly difficult not to get bogged down in all this want, in all this desperate desire for my circumstances to change, in this period of hunger and waiting to be fed.
And I know that life isn’t always fireworks and excitement, it’s quite often about plodding along and getting through the in-between bits. I suppose it’s a bit like writing a book, alongside all the cliffhangers and dramatic plot twists, you have to write the other bits, the words that tie it altogether. But that doesn’t make it any easier. Or any less frustrating. And it certainly doesn’t stop you from being blindsided by the engagements and house contract exchanges left, right and centre as you scroll through your Facebook news feed.
Jealousy is ugly. Coveting somebody elses success and position in life isn’t healthy. Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone is different. And I want, doesn’t get. I know all this and yet here I am, channelling my inner Veruca Salt, wishing, waiting, yearning, longing, wanting for all the things I’m yet to have.
Let’s hope I don’t encounter any squirrels on my way home because it’s highly probable that they might just tap me on the head and shove me down the nearest rubbish shoot.
Bad nut, over and out.