My sunglasses are firmly back in my handbag, the evenings are lighter and there are daffodils and tulips everywhere I turn. This can only mean one thing…SPRING IS FINALLY HERE!
And boy, am I happy to see her. (She’s a female season on account of her floral beauty and the fact that the epitome of spring is new life, and who gives new life? Who bears it? None other than la female! Here endeth my point.)
I love seasons. And the changing of them. The process that we undergo in order for them to change, like the way the leaves turn from vibrant shades of lime, jade and emerald to hues of auburn, burnt orange and rich, deep red. I love the chill and the coziness of autumn and winter, I especially love Christmas. But I also love the sun and the al fresco-ness that Spring and Summer bring.
With each new season it seems that I declare that particular one as my favourite of them all, when actually what I really love is the fact that we have seasons at all. And that there is this natural change in the weather, in the feel of the air.
This Spring, I’ve really noticed the budding of life all around me; from Daffodils to Crocuses and snowdrops, to Blossom, Tulips and Bluebells.
I’m really thankful for these longer evenings, with the sun staying up later. I’m thankful for the fact that summer really isn’t that far away; spring is a gentle reminder of all the good things to come. It’s a hopeful season, full to the brim with newness and growth. We’re out of the sullen months of January and February, the threat of snow and cold spells lessening slightly – although having said that, I did encounter hail stones this afternoon whislt on my run. I can’t say that the freezing lumps of ice helped me to run even a tiny bit faster.
Instead, we’ve got bank holiday weekends a plenty to look forward to and days spent doing things, outside, in the fresh air, in the sun.
And like the weather, I’m learning that our lives have seasons too. Things need to change, just like the weather, just like those leaves on the trees. I’m not always Change’s biggest fan, but I’m learning that sometimes, change is necessary, so that new things can happen. New, but simultaneously great things. We have to say goodbye to dead leaves, shake them off and maybe stand bare for a while, waiting to find out what will take root and which new shoots might bud into flowers; exposed and vulnerable, out of our comfort zone. But as we enter another chapter, things might just start blossoming into something promising, exciting and quite beautiful.
Life’s a funny thing. You never know what might happen, or when and it never quite pans out like you expect it to. But maybe that’s part of the beauty of it. We’re resilient, us humans, we adapt and adjust and find our way. We eventually work things out.I always find it amazing, that newborn cattle and sheep, stand up within minutes of being born. Albeit on shaky, confused and disoriented legs, not quite sure how to move one foot in front of the other, not clear on where they’re going yet, or why they’re here but they do it nonetheless. They make it.
And so if a sheep can do it, then surely so can I.
I’m not sure what my next career move is, just yet. All I know is that I so desperately want to be someone, someone successful and someone worthwhile, someone who achieves things. Someone interesting. Someone who is progressing, steadily upwards. But it’s exhausting. I’m tired of this season of berating myself for not having finished my book yet, for not earning more money, for not knowing where I’m headed. I’m tired of comparing myself to everyone. Sometimes I feel like I’m too old to not have a plan in place and underway, to not have it all mapped out. But maybe just maybe, that’s ok.
Baz Luhrman says it best in the amazing song ‘Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen):
‘Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.’ – Baz Luhrman, Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen).
It’s time for me to really let go and let God, maybe then I’ll find everything slightly less terrifying. If I shed off the dead leaves of my own expectation of where I should be in life, then maybe, just maybe, new things will start to bloom.