Working in a school, I’m surrounded by learning and teaching everyday. And sometimes for the children, the thought of not knowing the answer is sometimes an overwhelming one.
‘I don’t know miss!’
Some children are so laid back and lazy that not knowing the answer doesn’t bother them too much. But others, the eager-to-please-ones, the keen-ones, the ones who crave success, are extremely frustrated in the not-knowing.
I’m a bit like these children. I like recognition, I like praise and most of all I like knowing the answers. But recently it seems that I don’t know the answer to a few things in my life. When will I actually move out of my childhood home? What job am I going to do next? Why am I waiting? These things involve, namely, my future. And the crazy, scary thing is that I haven’t got even a smidgen of an idea what my next step is. And its alarming.
Yet, people ask me almost everyday, when my hand isn’t even up, when I couldn’t be further from wanting to share the answer. Because there’s an expectation, that by twenty four you should at least have a vague plan of where your life is headed. I umm and ahh and stutter and attempt to formulate an answer but really I just ‘dunno Miss!’. I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t know the answer to these questions. But it’s in times like these that I learn to hold onto what I do know. And what I do know is who holds my future, I know He has a plan for me.
And perhaps I should feel excited in the not-knowing phase, because I’m on the cusp of learning something new. I’m about to be taught a whole load of lessons from the Almighty teacher. All will be revealed in time, learning is a process. It takes time. It is allowed to take time. I have time.
So I’m learning to accept that I don’t always have to a plan figured out, ironed out or mapped out exactly. I don’t always have to know. And that my friends, really is ok. Even when it feels like the most un-ok thing going.